


my ocean my heart anchor me to you

by sandyk



Series: with the sun in my eyes Surprise! [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Underage Drinking, as avoidance tactic, consenting 17 year olds have consensual sex with consenting 17 year olds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:26:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23770798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: MJ is having sex with her best friend Peter Parker and it's definitely absolutely not dating because they can never break up because MJ is not losing her best friend.(Necessary to read previous installments.)
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: with the sun in my eyes Surprise! [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701469
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	my ocean my heart anchor me to you

**Author's Note:**

> For the trope bingo square loss of innocence. Title from Nina Persson's Animal Heart. no profit garnered, not mine. Thanks A!!!
> 
> Peter has a panic attack halfway through the story.

Typical nerd teenagers managed to crowd forty teens into one hotel suite to celebrate decathlon finals. MJ could see Ned and Betty laughing and swaying. Someone was playing quiet but very bass heavy music. There was definitely alcohol going around and by the smell, pot as well. MJ had only had half a can of wine, she was barely buzzed. But she was feeling a little wild. A little strange. 

Peter snuck behind her and spun her around. He said, "Hey hey." His breath was a little wine-y. 

She said, "Are you buzzed?"

"A little? I had three cans real quick," Peter said. He pulled her closer to him as someone danced wildly around them. "I'm having an anniversary."

"Right," MJ said. "It's been a year." It hadn't been that bad a year in MJ's estimation. Peter had done a lot of adjusting and therapy, and also a lot of Spider-man adventures and no steady make out person but definitely some slightly out of control partying. 

Peter said, "And we did really well today, you did really well." 

She looked down so she was looking away so she was looking at Peter's chest in his plain blue t-shirt and plaid button-down, and she really really wanted - she wanted something. She said, "Thanks." She put her hands on Peter's overly broad shoulders, and closed her eyes and kissed him. 

Peter kissed her back, his arm tightening around her waist. He was absolutely kissing her back and his tongue was definitely in her mouth. Peter Parker's tongue. 

Also, she was definitely grinding against Peter Parker's erection. She liked it? She liked it a lot. She was making out with her best friend in a very crowded room and she liked it, she wanted to keep doing that. 

Not in the crowded room, though. She said, "Let's go to my room. Or yours. Actually yours."

Peter nodded. He held her against his hip sort of, and maneuvered them out of the door. She made a few steps and then they were out in the hallway. It was much quieter somehow, minus all the talking and music and now it was very very quiet. Peter was looking at her like he wanted to say something or was desperately hoping she would say something. 

This was all super risky. She remembered being eleven and sitting at lunch with Ned and Peter and that was the only part of her day where she talked to people. They were both really good people. 

She looked at Peter and he was very much attractive to her and she said very loudly, "Friends. With benefits. We'll be friends with benefits."

Peter nodded vigorously. "Okay, that sounds great. Great." 

So the switch was flipped and somehow Peter managed to get the door open on the second try and then they were in his room, not bothering to turn on the lights. She pulled him on the bed and he was on top of her. Still Peter Parker's erection in jeans between her legs right there. She said, "Condom? Do you, we should, we need to."

Peter froze. He said, "We need a condom?"

"Benefits is sex," MJ said. "I mean, both of us have done it before. And I want to. And I don't, I'm not too drunk. Are you? I totally consent."

Peter said, "Me, too. I'm not a drunk. I'm not close to drunk, honestly. I really want to. Let me get that condom. For some reason Ned brought some?"

MJ sat up. Peter was already digging through Ned's bag. MJ said, "That's not some reason. That's Betty."

"No way," Peter said. He had a condom in his hand that he put on the pillow. "Really?"

"They've been dating for more than a year, why wouldn't you think they were having sex? Or going to?" MJ laid back. Then she sat up and pulled off her shirt. She took off her shoes, left them on the floor on top of her shirt. They were vegan shoes, she thought. No way Peter had vegan shoes. 

Peter took off his shoes, too, and reached for his shirt. She said, "Let me." He was pretty pliable as she pushed off his plaid shirt and then pulled off his tee shirt. She ran her hands down his ribs, clawed a little. He grinned. Then she had her hands on the waistband of his jeans. "You've upgraded your jeans."

"I came from the mansion," he said. He crossed his arms and shivered a little. She unbuttoned his jeans, delicately, he was hard. Still. She kissed him as she pulled his jeans down his thighs. He was wearing expensive underwear, too. He wrapped his arms around her and they kept kissing. She carefully carefully pulled down his underwear, too. 

She shifted a little and laid back on the bed. MJ grabbed his butt and let her hands go up. He said, "You're overdressed."

"Okay," MJ said. "Okay."

He sat back and was completely naked. Naked Peter Parker, still hard. For her. Then he was leaning forward and holding her hips for a second before a quick move taking off her skirt and underwear. She said, "Condom. You should put that on."

He was breathing heavily and she had to help him. She wanted to help him. Then she was on her back and Peter spread her legs further. She looked down and she could see him with one hand on her and the other guiding his dick in. Just like that, and he was inside her and they were staring at each other and she pushed herself down to take more in, and she thought that it was great. "This is good," she said, clinging to his neck. 

"Benefits," he said. "Good. Good." 

She was kind of incoherent but mostly not thinking because everything in her was pretty focused between her legs and where she was touching him. He came first because boys are easier and more so when they're really sensitive Spider boy people. But he didn't stop with his hand or anything else until she came, because he was also Peter. 

He got rid of the condom and they both cleaned up and then they were both laying on his bed and smiling like idiots. He definitely was, MJ assumed she was, too. She said, "I should go back to my room."

"Okay," he said. "Hey, um, that was, you're amazing. Did we, should we do this again?"

"Right now? No. In the future, of course," MJ said. She pushed herself up off the bed and got dressed. 

"Of course," Peter said, sounding happy. 

The next time they did it was a week later, at May's apartment, after Ned left. Ned looked at the two of them and said, "Let me leave you two to your whatever."

Peter said, "It's nothing."

"Friends with benefits," MJ said, very loudly. She said, "It's not whatever, but it's not nothing."

Peter nodded and looked a little confused. Ned left, already on the phone with Betty. Peter got up and made sure the front door was locked. MJ sat nervously on the bed and then she resolved to believe her own words. It wasn't something, they were still best friends. Just also having sex. Peter came back in the room and reached under the bed. He came up with a condom. "Do you, do you still want to do this? We can be just friends."

"No, I'm good. We can have sex and still be best friends. Benefits," MJ said. She took off her shirt. She was a little cold but she leaned back and tried to look confident. 

"Okay, good," Peter said. "Excellent." It was pretty excellent. She really liked having sex with Peter and she was sure he liked doing it with her. They made out for an hour. She got embarrassingly turned on by Peter's mouth on her breasts. She had to think of that awful Jay Z line so she didn't moan like an idiot. 

Now they only had one afternoon of decathlon a week because the season was over. She and Ned (and sometimes Betty) already went to Peter's track meets and his occasional gymnastic competitions. Peter already sat next to her in decathlon and two of their classes. They already had lunch together. They even already spent a few afternoons a week hanging out, doing homework, planning Spider-man stuff. 

She was in bed with Peter, three weeks total of benefits, and she was on top of him this time. She said, "You don't have to answer. But like, as friends, how many people have you had sex with?"

He looked somewhere past her. She said, "You don't have to tell me. Is it so hard to count?" She grinned. No way that was the answer. 

Peter said, "No, no, I'm just working out how I'm defining sex."

"Well, you know the difference between making out and sex? I mean, the one you have in your head, not legal definitions or medical," MJ said. She sat up, her legs bent on either side of his thighs. She really liked the naked part of all of this. 

"What's yours?" Peter tapped her nose. 

"You're number three," MJ said. "You know that."

Peter smiled. "Tyler, whathisface, me. You're number four for me."

"Jack, his name's Jack. Which you totally know. We all went out more than once. You just didn't like him," MJ said. "You were messing around a lot on that mini-bender this summer, huh?"

"It wasn't that bad," Peter said. "Please don't call it a bender anywhere Tony can hear."

"You were drinking," MJ said, laughing. "Hanging out with bad kids."

"Kids are all the same," Peter said. He poked her knee. "Rich kids are just, um, amplified. Anyway, I didn't like Jack and he was a jerk so I was right."

"He was not a jerk, we just weren't compatible. Not long term," MJ said. 

Peter demonstrated his fantastic core strength by sitting up slightly and tugging her forward. "Do we have time for more benefits?"

"Yeah, but let's not make that a cutesy name or something," MJ said.

It was really easy to get used to having a certain kind of pseudo access to Peter. Like a girlfriend. Not a girlfriend. She would get tired from school and general life issues and just lean on him. He was very supportive that way. "But they're not dating," Ned said, loudly. "They're just friends. It's stupid." Then Betty would shush him. Because she probably realized that MJ was an idiot who kept deciding to be a complete coward about basically the most important person in her life. 

They were walking to the Tower and holding hands when Peter stopped and let go of her hand abruptly. She turned towards him and saw he was definitely having a panic attack. Which was different from when he had a flashback (he didn't have those so often anymore) and she hugged him and nudged him out of the way of people walking by. She rubbed his back and repeated his name over and over again. Peter finally calmed down. She hugged him close. "It's okay, it's okay."

Peter mumbled something and she said, "Repeat that, please."

"It's nothing," he said. 

"No, you really said, I guess that's why you won't date me, are you serious?" She didn't stop hugging him. 

"I know I'm wrong, I'm just feeling freaked," he said. He shrugged her off and then took her hand. 

She already had some slight bruising when he'd let go of her. Peter said, "Sorry."

"Whatever, you were being great, you made sure I didn't get badly hurt. You might have broken my hand otherwise," she said. "Look, I'm not not dating you, I just think we're doing good as friends, not like, I don't know. But you know I don't judge you negatively for this shit."

"You've been putting up with it for years," he said, not looking at her. He started walking so she followed him. 

"I'm not putting up with anything," MJ said. "You're my best friend. You're great. You're incredible."

Peter closed his eyes for a second and then said, "It's okay, I get it, MJ. I know you care about me and you're not judging me. You shouldn't listen to me right after one of those."

They had finally reached the Tower. Peter just breezed in to the private entrance and MJ followed him. She said, "Okay, I get it, but I still just want to be clear about, like, us. We're not just friends, you're my best friend. I am your co best friend."

They were in the elevator. Peter smiled at her. "We can't forget Ned. Isn't he your co best friend, too?"

"I think," MJ said. "I think I only have one best friend, and then one really good friend and then a bunch of close friends. Wow, I've really grown in the last two years. I used to just have you and Ned."

"You're great, you're incredible," he said with a smirk. 

"I meant that," MJ said. 

She felt like she'd dodged a bullet and resolved to stop thinking too hard about that moment. 

Peter still did his very important Spider-man activities. She and Ned still scheduled and mapped out Peter's super hero work. Sometimes they listened in on when Peter started on the scary parts. They would help him. This early evening, they heard banter between Peter and his dad. Not that Peter called him that, he called him Tony. Peter made a joke and they were off. 

Ned said, "We should tell them they work well together."

MJ said, "I think Peter actually wouldn't be upset for once."

Ned nodded. He looked over at MJ and said, "You know, as one of your closest friends, I just wanna say --"

"Does Peter tell you everything? Cause I didn't mean it in a bad way," MJ said. 

"He tells me about ninety percent," Ned said. "He never tells me the sex stuff, he's a gentleman."

"Say what you want," MJ said.

"As your friend, I think you need to get focused. You need to really think about what you want. Don't be frozen in carbonite," Ned said. 

"Loser," MJ said. 

She and Peter and Ned and Betty went to another party. Even though people were drinking, Peter wasn't. Neither was MJ. Everyone else was. Peter climbed out a window with MJ on his back and they sat on the roof. It wasn't that precarious. Peter said, "Lot of addiction in my genes, apparently. I shouldn't drink, I guess?"

"I don't know," MJ said. "It takes a lot for you to get drunk, that seems kind of silly. To not have a drink or two when it won't have any effect on you. But I don't want you drunk sloppy making out with anyone."

Peter took her hand. "Jealous? Are we exclusive?"

"Aren't we?" MJ swallowed. "I mean, even though we use condoms, if you're taking in someone else's fluids, I'd want to know."

"No one's fluids," Peter said. "Of course not. You're not, right?"

"No," MJ said. "I'd tell you if I met someone. I mean, I don't think I will. But if I did. I wouldn't. I hate this conversation."

"You started it," Peter said. He squeezed her hand. "I know, right, we're not dating so we can't break up, right?"

"Friends still break up," MJ said. "I'm being super negative." 

"You're definitely bumming me out," Peter said. "I could jump us off the roof, I don't think anyone'd see us."

"That would be fun," MJ said. She started to move onto his back but he just grabbed her butt with one hand. 

Then they went back into the house and played drinking games without drinking. They totally won. She went home with Peter to his Central Park place but she slept in the guest room. Peter knocked on her door in the morning. "You could have stayed with me. Tony and Pepper are with the baby in Manhattan. I mean, at the mansion."

"You're missing out on baby's first week."

"She's really cute," Peter said. "But mostly it's a lot of diapers and screaming and Tony and Pepper and the two nurses."

"Still, fun to be a big brother," MJ said. She got out of bed and hugged Peter. "Right?"

"No, it's awesome," Peter said. "I love her. But I'm kinda on my own this week."

"Are you worried, like being neglected?"

"No," Peter said. "A newborn needs a lot of attention." He ran his hand down her back and gripped her butt. "Can we talk about something else? This is not sexy talk and I kinda wanted to --"

She kissed him. She wanted to, too.

She was with Peter at his dad's mansion three weeks after the baby was born. Things had mostly settled down with baby Morgan. Sort of. Settled enough. Also she and Peter had been having sex for three months which was some kind of record for denial and stupidity. 

Peter's room finally felt like his. He had pictures up everywhere, including a lot of her. And Ned. But mostly her. She leaned against him on the bed. "You think I'm pretty."

"You are," Peter said. "Am I allowed to say that?" 

"Of course you are," MJ said. "Duh." He was like a firm, warm pillow. "Ugh, I want some of those expensive ass cereal bars. The ones your chef makes. Do you want one?"

"I'm good," Peter said. He yawned. As soon as she got up, Peter turned on the TV. 

She went out into the kitchen and opened the cupboard door. Tony Stark came in while she was picking through the bars. "These things are intense amaze balls," she said. "How are you? How's the baby?"

"Good, baby and Pepper are asleep," Tony said. "Are you still not dating my son?"

"We're just friends," MJ said, her chin up. 

Tony looked at her skeptically. "We're alike, I can see it."

"We're very much not."

"I fell for Pepper two minutes after we met. Took me years to tell her. And I didn't. I said we should do something about this sexual tension the night before I went to rehab. Lucky for me, she liked me. See? We're alike. You shout friends with benefits, I make stupid innuendos high on cocaine," Tony said. "Your way is better, my little repressed twin-ling."

"You were on cocaine?"

"Night before rehab. Last time I ever did coke. I don't miss it," Tony said. "Really."

"People say it's great," MJ said.

"It's not," Tony said. "Good thing I knew you were kidding. Cause we're alike."

MJ was irritated. She hated when Tony was right. It riled her up. She said, "Yeah, but we're different. I actually call him by his name."

Tony grinned, showing all his teeth. He said, "I called him Danny." 

MJ looked down at her plate of bars. She said, "It's been a year, man. And three months. It was always a codename, right? Sort of? You put a different name on the birth certificate. Maybe, in the regular turn of time, he would have picked a different name from the one you used."

Tony stopped smiling. "You don't understand."

"Of course I don't, God, I'm seventeen," MJ said. "But I know Peter. If you think he hasn't noticed, you're wrong. Or you think he's noticed but you're all wrapped up in your understandable hurt and think he'll just, whatever, I don't know. Also, sorry. You made me angry with the we're alike thing and I hate when you're right."

Tony said, "You think I'm being an asshole on purpose, my little revenge on him for hurting me?"

"Wow, no, are you that fucked up?'

"Probably," Tony said. "Subconsciously. You're not my shrink. I'm gonna call her, actually. You should probably tell Peter -" Tony was clearly leaning into saying the name. "How much you care about him."

"Okay, sure," MJ said. "This was all awful, hope you feel better."

She grabbed the bars and ran into Peter's room. "I had a very disturbing, super disturbing conversation with your dad. Also, I really like you. I really really like you."

"Yeah?" He had the sweetest expression. 

"Yeah," she said. She even kissed him. "We're dating, you know." She realized she'd said it very loudly.

Peter laughed. Then he said, "Take it easy on Tony, you know, new baby, sleep deprived, and he has all these weird anniversaries that make him sad or fucked up."

"Seriously," she said. "But he did actually say you should tell Peter you care about him." 

"Wow, that sounds really disturbing," Peter said. 

"Also, I don't just really really like you, I probably love you," MJ said.

"Wow," Peter said. He kissed her, holding her face in his hands. "Wow. Me, too." 

"Coward," MJ said. 

"Mostly, I'm letting you talk first so I don't move too fast for you," Peter said. "That's my plan."

"Good plan," MJ said.

**Author's Note:**

> The end for now. I totes want to revisit this series cause wow, poor Tony deserves some POV time. But it won't be until July ish. Thank you so much for reading along!


End file.
